SD_3の日記, 2021年 04月 4日

153.8 again today. I was SOOOOO hungry last night. my stomach was growling. I got up to graze and somehow stopped - looked myself in the face and said NO! You are not going downstairs to snack!! Stop!!

I felt deprived and sad. I had a great week and felt "entitled" to some extras, treats, mistakes and slip-ups, but those are self sabotaging excuses!!! I DESERVE HEALTH! I deserve this repair to my self esteem. I deserve this weight loss to ease the burden on my heart. I deserve this weight loss to feel normal and comfortable in my clothes and in my own skin.

I recognize how unhealthy my relationship with food became. I hated myself and stuffed myself with trash. Mainly Chinese takeout. I was so depressed I didn't want to wake up.

Food choices definitely reflect how well you're doing mentally. ✔️ Now I eat a fully organic diet. Low carb, low sodium, high fiber. Small amounts of clean, organic, locally sourced meat and lots and lots of veggies and fruit as a treat.

My ejection fraction went from 13% to 45%. I still have congestive heart failure, but I don't think it's going to kill me. Still working through the anger and injustice of this crappy illness, but at least I'm getting my body back. Really only have about 20 pounds to go.

Are there other people out here that were cut down in their prime? Had the PERFECT body and lost it for whatever reason? I was humiliated by my weight gain, but I was so sick and so deeply clinically depressed, that I just couldn't stop.

I'm going home to visit in June and I really think I can get close to my "normal" weight by then. I won't walk in looking like I'm in a fat suit. I'll just look like me again. ❣️ And yes, all my friends and family loved me anyway, but that's not how depression works. You can't love someone's depression away. Unfortunately...

Woo. big share today 😬😬😬 hope it's ok.

69.8 kg これまでの減量分: 20.0 kg.    残り: 12.2 kg.    ダイエット続き: まあまあ.

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606 kcal

脂質: 14.59g | たんぱく質: 51.72g | 炭水化物: 86.78g.   朝食: America's Choice Bacon Thick Sliced, Coffee. 昼食: Butter , Green Peas , Franz Keto Hamburger Bun , Boca Original Vegan Meatless Burgers. 夕食: Sour Cream, Chop't Red & Green Peppers, Muir Glen Diced Tomatoes, Bush's Best Dark Red Kidney Beans, Onions, Boca Original Vegan Meatless Burgers. もっと...