Iowasara, please do not give up. This community, everyone here, is here for the same reasons you are...to make better improvements in their lives. We are here to support each other and make a difference. I will help you anyway I can. Making life changes comes with a great challenge but you need to look at the end results of what you'll gain by reaching your goals...do not give up. Believe in yourself, love yourself and the changes will happen. If you need anything let me know. But I beg you to please seek help if you are seriously contemplating this.