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Averes
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2012年 11月 29日
Off to the Cape. Taking turkey soup with. Good day yesterday. Looking forward to the arrival of my life-changing Nike Fuel band. Should be here today or tomorrow.
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2012年 11月 28日
Trying again. Thought I had entered an entry but must have deleted it by accident. It's Wednesday, November 28, 2012. I got a message in my inbox from someone named 'JazzyOwl' (real name: Dee) The subject line was 'Alcohol.' She mentioned she was in AA for 2 years, then left for 9 years, and now has been back for 5 months. Interesting. I asked her to write again and tell me more, if she wants to. I want to hear her story. I hope she writes back. Yesterday, I had soup for breakfast, a baguette roll with pate and brie for lunch, and soup for dinner. Then, after I finished my dinner, I filled a bowl with rice, ground beef, cheddar cheese, salsa and sour cream (left over from making tacos for Ben). The lunch was not unreasonable, but the extra dinner, after having a big, filling bowl of turkey soup was excessive. It tasted good, but I was full already, and afer eating it, I was uncomfortably full. Then, I weighed in and was up 1.5 lbs. which is not surprising. So... choices/consequences, choices/consequences. Every choice comes with a consequence. The 2nd dinner was a bad choice. But the other three meals were reasonable. Today, I will try the soup and the sandwich without the extra meal and see how the weigh in goes tomorrow.
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2012年 11月 27日
Tuesday, November 27, 2012 --I put my stash of Heineken in the trunk of the car... will dump it at the dumpster at Gene's on Main St. Need to take a little break from the physical and mental exercise (exhausting) of feeding my drink habit. I'll put the crutch down and limp around for a bit. I told Chuck I was throwing away my stash, and he said "I appreciate it." It's nice to be appreciated. I know there is something about the "forbidden fruit" aspect of abstention that makes it very difficult for me. I still don't know if I will ever adopt that philosophy. I can admit that I have trouble regulating/moderating my alcohol intake. I can willingly give it up for social occasions. It's easy not to drink at home when Chuck is here. I just don't want to say "no, never." It's too big a promise, and a set-up for failure. With a reliable "Higher Power" maybe the "no, never" thing is doable. But I lost that connection, and I don't know if I'm ever going to get it back. What I believe strongly affects what I do, and what I can accomplish. I believe that if I attend AA meetings and live by the principles of the program, I can be a decent person and live a decent life. I do not have to be abstinent to be a decent person, and I don't want to be abstinent. I want to be temperate. The AA program does not believe temperance or moderation is possible for full-blown alcoholics. They say "try it... see if you can pull it off..." with the assumption that it is not possible. If they are right, I will have to somehow find a way to adopt abstinence as a way of life. But I don't want to. That's the truth. For better and for worse, that is my truth.
Still, I know alcohol is a crutch in some ways. And I don't want to walk with a crutch, when I could run without one... So... a day at a time. I make a choice. And I embrace the consequences. Good, and bad; better and worse.
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2012年 11月 26日
At home, in bed. Good day. Went to Glen Ro at 8:10 am...champagne and chambord. Drove to Neiman Marcus, white plains. Orangers en Fleurs. Tony, my perfume guy was there. …Paid for parking, drove home via 287 E to Merritt N. Before I drove to white plains I got the car washed. Bought a 4 pack of little white wine bottles...Pinot grigio. Got a bottle of snapple and poured the wine into that. Went to stop and shop... got ingredients for soup. Made 2 full stockpots...onion, celery, carrots, bouillion, broad egg noodles...turkey. drove to shelton because I forgot to get the onion and the carrot. Picked up a twleve pack of heineken at the Beechewood Market. Got home around 3:00 or 3:30. Made soup from 3:40 to 4:40. Ate, watched Big Bang Theory, went upstairs to set up massage table for Martha. At 7:00 gave Martha a nice massage, ' til about 8:00. Then, bath. 8:15 to 9:00. Then bed. And here I am...
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2012年 11月 26日
I like the simplicity and immediacy of this page. Weigh in, journal entry, save, done. It's motivating.
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