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~Snarky inner child~
We're going to my brother and his wife's house tomorrow. Originally, mom and I were going to eat here before we went. But, then he called her today inviting us over for dinner. The menu item was salad with cod fish, which is actually really great. I said, "as long as there are no desserts, I'm fine with it." But, then of course my mother slips in, "well, I think he's making some kind of "brownie" thing. And, my annoyance level immediately hit the roof! And, this is what the inner child was screaming:
"Ya know, it's wonderful and great that y'all have lost your damn weight and can make these exceptions, but I haven't! I already explained to y'all last weekend that out of anybody sitting at the dinner table, I was the one that weighed the most and has the least amount of exceptions to make! Cut me an effing break!!!"
Of course, I didn't respond that way. I just said, "well, I won't be partaking in that...I'll go for a walk." The thing is, I don't even know why I got so upset. Honestly, my weak spot is not cake or any sweet for that matter. I don't hate sweets, but I don't crave them like some do. My weakness is definitely too much salt and PORTION SIZE. I have what they call "Portion Creeper" syndrome, and if I don't measure out my portions, my eyes have a very disproportional view of what 1 cup actually is...
I think part of me is feeling a little jealous and left out from the standpoint that all 3 members of my family (my mother, my brother, and his wife) have lost their weight, thus making me feel like the odd man out (or in this case, woman). Also, our family tends to use food as means to bond. I tend to feel immediate defensiveness when put in circumstances where I feel that way. Trust me, my inner child can also act like a very non-trusting snarky street kid, ready to pull out a verbal knife at the least provocation. My background is highly academic and has provided me a lot of good arsenal for such occasions.
But, I do have a frontal cortex, that is indeed capable of higher reasoning and sufficient cognitive processes. My brother and mom both have a sweet tooth. My brother, like my mom loves to cook and he's pretty darn good. Both of them actually are wonderful bakers and I can totally see my brother making a sweet dessert to please my mom, who can afford to make those exceptions right now. They've been working on their relationship since my mother and me moved here and actually it's good to see them bonding. It's amazing what one can see if they focus outside themselves for a moment.
What I need to start doing is really documenting the progress this girl can actually see to get through some of these moments in order to continue the momentum I'm on. It's funny, because my mother says she can totally see that I've lost. My co-worker says, he can "kinda" see in my face. So, who do I believe? It's funny how image really can be subjective.
Here's what I know.
-When I started on the recumbent bike I was at a level 5 for 30 minutes. I'm at level 14 now (there are 25 levels in all)
-When I started strength training with weights for my upper body, I started with 10 reps for each exercise. I am now at 36 reps for each exercise with 4lb weights for each arm (there are 4 different strength training exercises I do)
-When I started doing wall push ups, I did 10. Now I'm at 35
-When I started doing old school sit ups, I was barely able to manage 10. I'm doing 26 sit ups now and I added an extra today
-When I started leg lifts for my abductor muscles, I started with 20. I'm now up to 30
I don't know if I look "thinner", but what I do know is that I'm less weak and that's some progress worth weighing in on.
And, I don't need no stinkin' brownie, anyway! I got wine! LOL...
Have a wonderful Holiday weekend, everyone!
ダイエットカレンダーを表示, 2017年 04月 14日:
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1717 kcal
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脂質: 56.81g | たんぱく質: 93.68g | 炭水化物: 102.95g.
朝食: Subway 6" Steak, Egg & Cheese Flatbread, Subway Chipotle Southwest Sauce, Coffee with Cream and Sugar. 昼食: Almond Milk, Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard 100% Whey - Double Rich Chocolate. 夕食: Kroger Extra Long Asparagus Spears, Dole Mango Chunks, Cooked Kale (Fat Added in Cooking), Roasted Broiled or Baked Chicken Breast (Skin Not Eaten), Ethiopian Assorted Veg/Meat Platter. 軽食/その他: Red Table Wine. もっと...
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2890 kcal
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運動:
ウエイトトレーニング（ふつう） - 30 分, 歩く（ふつう） - 時速5km - 28 分, Bicycle - 30 分, 休憩 - 14 時間 32 分, 睡眠 - 8 時間. もっと...
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