~Level 14, here I come~Peeling off the layers~

So, the goal of tonight's workout incorporates bumping the recumbent bike up to Level 14, as if Level 13 didn't already make my 2 year old inner child throw a tantrum. I do move up incrementally with my exercises and reps using a 3-6 day cycle. Every 3 non-consecutive days, I will add 3 more reps to any strength training exercise, 2 more sit ups, and 2-3 more leg lifts. However, with the recumbent bike, I do a 6 day cycle (no pun, intended) and when I move up a level, I first start with just 5 minutes in that level and then knock it down to the previous level. Next time, it's ten minutes, and so and so on...

One of the things I try to be mindful of is injury. Not hard to do when you have rheumatic damage to your joints. So, moving up by increments is important, and I can tell ya now, it ALWAYS feels like a challenge.

Speaking of challenges, I had a good heart to heart with my mother last night. I have been feeling both emotional and anxious lately, with a lot of thoughts running through my head. Anxiety and depression are no stranger to my history so I try to be mindful when these feelings arise. It was good to be able to talk about these things with my mom who lost 115 lbs many years ago and has managed through a few mild ups and downs to keep the weight off.

I confess, when I first started this, I don't know how seriously I took it...I initially felt like I would just take off my typical winter weight, lose 15 lbs and, spend the rest of the year in "fat serenity", but somewhere along the line it changed into something more committed with the intention of genuine healthy change. This site probably helped shape those goals because there are a lot of folks on here suffering from some of the health risks involved in carrying a lot of weight. I'm not there yet (that I know of), but heck it's certainly NOT impossible by any stretch at 43.

And, that was the first reality slap. Because, then I have to deal with the whole "lost youth" issue. But, it doesn't stop there. I've also realized this past week that none of my previous major weight loss endeavors have ever been associated with positive circumstances. In College, I pretty much had the typical "nervous" breakdown that a lot of college students go through, but the depression and anxiety were severe enough I developed stress induced anorexia. I was nauseous all the time, was barely able to keep water down, and took off a lot of weight, but not in any, way, shape or form a person WANTS to lose weight.

The second time I lost big was during my professional career in my 30's, but again the circumstances were stressful and even dangerous. So, stress played a big role in that weight loss and I can't say a lot of investment was put towards a "nutritious" diet. I did take off six months of work between my last job and this one and spent a lot of time researching nutrition and exercised 4 hours a day, but it wasn't a realistic momentum to keep up when I started working again. So, the reality is, the majority of my weight loss history is associated with negative and even emotionally devastating circumstances.

So, when this journey started to become "real" for me, go figure that conditioned part of brain started to "freak out!". The thing is, I feel it's essential at this point to have a positive experience this time around. My brain and heart NEED to understand both consciously and unconsciously that being healthy is possible, and though I know the road holds it's challenges, it doesn't ALWAYS have to be surrounded by negative, life threatening, or devastating circumstances. Dare I say it, this girl needs a positive if not joyful and long term HEALTHY weight loss experience.

A few things I do feel good about. I'm glad I was sharp enough to realize my protein intake was low and adjust accordingly with protein shakes. It really has helped with the DOMs and over all energy levels. I'm glad I'm making the effort to perceive weigh-ins a healthy and realistic manner, I'm glad I'm logging my food, and I'm glad I jumped out of my box and am trying some exercises I've never done before. I'm also really grateful I can turn to my mother when needed for support and an ear to listen, because this already has triggered a lot of emotions and experiences in me. But, I also feel above all, just like my weight, it's time to allow myself to release and let go of some of those things too...So, that is what I am petitioning the universe for...

Have a wonderful day full of beautiful happenings, everyone :-)

1573 kcal 脂質: 63.81g | たんぱく質: 88.89g | 炭水化物: 103.97g.   朝食: Coffee with Cream and Sugar, Stir Fried Vegetables. 昼食: Signature Cafe Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad with Salad Dressing. 夕食: Almond Milk, Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard 100% Whey - Double Rich Chocolate. 軽食/その他: Red Table Wine, Chobani Nonfat Black Cherry Greek Yogurt, Kashi Chewy Granola Bars - Chocolate Almond & Sea Salt. もっと...
2889 kcal 運動: Bicycle - 30 分, ウエイトトレーニング(ふつう) - 30 分, 歩く(ふつう) - 時速5km - 28 分, 休憩 - 14 時間   32 分, 睡眠 - 8 時間. もっと...

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コメント 
beautifully stated, way to go! 
2017年 04月 12日 投稿者: dbrfbaker
A lot of very powerful realisations about your life an your past. Here's to hoping they get you where you need to go to be healthy this time around! 
2017年 04月 12日 投稿者: smprowett
I agree with Smprowett, you have realized a WHOLE lot about yourself. Step by step, you will find your way. This is a good place to be, a lot of support and help! 
2017年 04月 12日 投稿者: iulani
Thank you, everyone. I think all the support everyone offers each other in their journey in this space is a part of what nurtured a sincere dedication to walking a path that embodies good health... 
2017年 04月 12日 投稿者: Egull1
Just love your mother. I'm glad you talked to her about everything. No holes barred, she will always be there for you! She's done really well with her weight too. Wow 💑 
2017年 04月 13日 投稿者: Mrs Maths
Thank you Mrs. Maths, I love my mama, too. And, yes she is part of a very small percentage out there that has lost and managed to keep the weight off. She definitely confronts her challenges but has done a wonderful job and continues to inspire me! 
2017年 04月 13日 投稿者: Egull1

     
 

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