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Alabama is trying to dig out from the mess. Been a while since I was able to write in my Journal. I came home from Texas last Sunday. This week has been difficult because there are still lots of places without power, phone or internet. I have been working from my community fire house. I have been recruited to help people understand the FEMA process and how to get help that is needed. I have a Community Meeting scheduled for tonight and hope I cen give people hepful information. Our County officials have fallen down on that job. They have really been overwhelmed and unprepared for the disaster. It almost makes you want to run for office. I said Almost. I don't see myself ever being elected to anything :)
I was trying to go to sleep last night and a thought occured to me. I was a federal auditor for 10 years. I quit that job and went back to school because I felt like I only passed paper from one side of a desk to another. I did not feel as if I was doing anything with my life. I had a comfortable life, good salary and no worries of ever losing my job but it was not enough. I felt as if there were things that really needed to change there and I could not come up with good recommendations. So I quit and got an MBA thinking that it would help me. While working on it, I was asked to help teach Statistics and decided that I liked the idea of being a proferssor so I went to Texas A&M for my PhD. I thought that if I could just touch one life in a positive manner, my life would be worth the air and resources that I will consume while on the planet. Of course as life would have it, I hated teaching there and was not good at it. I decided that I could not stand that field and went back to audit. While I try to add value to every site that I audit, I really rarely succeed in doing anything other than being a procedure cop. No life altering work there...
But then comes this tornado. And one of the roughest parts of my life with my husband. Uncertainty financially, unhappiness with my job, and fear of lost love were overwhelming me the last couple of weeks. Then the worst disaster ever to hit Alabama happens and I find that I am finally in a position to earn the gifts I have been given. Tonight, I have the opportunity to help someone that I don't know. I may not succeed - I am no expert in FEMA reimbursement and don't claim to be - but I finally have the opportunity to try. That makes me feel very good.
I know that I did not do this for myself. It never occurred to me that this would be an opportunity to make myself feel good when it all started. I know that I am not doing this for selfish reasons. But that does not mean that it is not good for me. I can't help but wonder if maybe this is God showing me again a path that he would like me to take. I have always known that I was not doing what was intended. I was intended to be a physician. That is and was my calling. I took the easy way out and listened to people tell me how hard it would be and did not take that path. I tried a few years back to correct that mistake and completed all the under-grad requirements for the MCAT then had a wreck that caused me to not have the ability to stand for long periods of time. I could never treat a patient in my condition so I had to quit again. Going back to school seemed the right path so i took it. But again, I seemed to get off track. Now I am thinking that maybe I need to take advantage of some gifts and become an emergency manager. We will see what life brings but for now, it sure feels nice to be able to do something positive with my life. If only for the week.
Wish me luck! :)
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