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I dont usually journal twice a day, but sometimes you just need to. First and foremost I did my 5k today and shaved four minutes off the time! I incorporated a slow jog (4mph) for about twenty minutes of my 5k. This took my total time to 52 minutes, my new personal best. I want to say right now in case the scale doesnt go my way on Friday that I have had an amazing week in terms of resisting temptation and sticking with fitness. You all know how stressful its been for me, i have to keep reminding myself that I am suceeding. Im also proud of myself for not giving up, im still running despite the knee issues and Im still eating right despite the gain. Staying in control of what I can control. Which brings me to my next topic...
My baby brother left for Arizona today. I have mixed emotions. One part of me feels immense relief, I love my brother to pieces but him and his *issue* have taken their toll on my mother and I. For the most part it was our own personal hell. The fights, the emotional roller coaster that became his life, the drama, and walking on eggshells whenever he was around. The other half of me feels immense guilt for feeling immense relief. It wasnt entirely his fault. Watching his tail lights dissapear with one thought going through my mind, that I might never see him alive again. A thought ive had at least a million times in the last year but it stings every time. What regrets would I have? I did everything I could, but surely I cojld have done more?? Probably not true, but you just cant turn that off. Im praying for the best. He is trying to get clean, start fresh, get his life back. Im praying for a miracle.
Thanks for listening. ♥♡
ダイエットカレンダーを表示, 2014年 02月 19日:
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1323 kcal
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脂質: 51.30g | たんぱく質: 105.21g | 炭水化物: 99.94g.
朝食: Blue Bonnet Regular Margarine Sticks, Borden Southwest Pepperjack Cheese Wrapped Sandwich Slices, Egg White, Mission Foods White Corn Tortilla, Egg, Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer. 昼食: Smithfield Boneless Pork Shoulder Picnic Roast. 夕食: Sesame Oil, Soy Sauce, Birds Eye Stir-fry Vegetables, Rice-A-Roni Fried Rice, Skinless Chicken Breast. 軽食/その他: Dannon Light & Fit Yogurt - Strawberry (Container), EAS Lean 15 Protein Powder - Vanilla Cream, Beatrice Skim Milk, Crystal Light Crystal Light on the Go Sugar Free packets. もっと...
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2522 kcal
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運動:
歩く（ふつう） - 時速5km - 5 分, 歩く（早足） - 時速6.5km - 20 分, 歩く（運動） - 時速5.5km - 29 分, 休憩 - 15 時間 6 分, 睡眠 - 8 時間. もっと...
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 コメント
AWESOME personal best effort, and thoughts are with you as you struggle with your brother's situation... (((HUGS)))
2014年 02月 19日 投稿者: millerm40
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First of all, CONGRATS on your awesome efforts. You are doing amazing and your progress truly shows it! When it comes to your brother, I really believe you can't control what other people do, so you can't feel guilty about THEIR decisions. People change if they want to change, and they don't if they don't. Even though you're not obligated, you've already gone above and beyond by being supportive of his health and by loving him, while a lot of people would have thrown in the towel by now. Having you as a sister is probably one of the best things that could happen to him!
2014年 02月 19日 投稿者: PepperMill
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Congratulations Yolanda for treating yourself so well and I would like to say to you about your brother that I hope the best for him but he has to want it. You've done what you are able to do. As far as living with the guilt of not being able to fix it some times we just have to accept that we did all we could. I personally know this guilt as I have struggled with the loss of my son for so long. The only thing I can say now is that I loved him, I know he loved me but he tested that love on a daily basis.
2014年 02月 19日 投稿者: LadyBea40
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Congrats on your achievement today!
Regarding your brother...he is an adult and as such needs to make adult decisions. You have done all you can...now it is up to him.
BTW your sister is adorable...as are you!
2014年 02月 19日 投稿者: kmunson
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Guilt over relief - I know that emotion well. What is it? how to balance it out. When you find the answer, please share. Like most, I just continue to rationalize until I feel better but I'd like to be able to feel more authentic about it so I can stop whistling in the dark...
2014年 02月 20日 投稿者: FullaBella
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