So... my last post here was 206 days ago. Right now, I am feeling really ashamed that I have done nothing but tear myself down during that time. I am currently at my highest weight, EVER. My everything hurts right now...from my feet to my head, everything. I am convinced that nothing but losing this weight will make it better.
My doctor has recommended bariatric surgery. She knows my struggle...but surgery? With a BMI of 54, I am super morbidly obese so I have registered for an informational session, it's tomorrow. Over the last several weeks I have gone from feeling like I have finally found a solution, to being scared sh*tless at the thought of going under the knife.
At this point, all I know for sure is I have to lose this weight. I have to get healthy, and I don't want to continue to live in shame. I know that as impossible as it feels right now, I can't stop trying. I know that these are the cards I have been dealt and it is a life long battle, this weight game, but I can't give up.
I honestly can't say if I am going to go through with surgery or not but I have made up in my mind that tomorrow, I am going to record my weight here, I am going to drink water, I am NOT going to drink Pepsi, I am going to eat the healthy alternatives I purposely went to the grocery store and bought yesterday, and I am going to try. One day at a time, I am going to try. That's all I got right now...
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